Tea Leaves and Link Trails

The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys'

Thu, 23 May 2013 21:30:09 +0100

For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.

No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:

“You know! Boys will be boys!”

“He’s just going through a phase!”

“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”

“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”

“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”

I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”

She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.

It was so tempting.

He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.

She had to keep her building safe.

Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.

His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.

Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.

I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.”

Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?

There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.

There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.

Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”

The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement.

Felicia's Melange: Star Trek Movie: SPOILERZZZZ

Mon, 20 May 2013 00:14:41 +0100

Felicia's Melange: Star Trek Movie: SPOILERZZZZ:

thisfeliciaday:

You are officially spoiled if you read below, NO COMPLAINTS!

Up front I will say I enjoyed this latest Star Trek movie a lot. It was super noisy, but enjoyable, beautifully executed, and I particularly like some of the secondary characters, Spock was excellent, etc etc. I just want to share an…

The DIY Couturier: 21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You're Depressed.

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 12:05:42 +0100

The DIY Couturier: 21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You're Depressed.:

rosalindrobertson:

A while ago, I penned a fairly angry response to something circulating on the internet – the 21 Habits of Happy People. It pissed me off beyond belief, that there was an inference that if you weren’t Happy, you simply weren’t doing the right things.

I’ve had depression for as long as I can…

vidrig: My friend was kind enough to lend me his suit of armor,...

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 12:20:17 +0100

vidrig:

My friend was kind enough to lend me his suit of armor, and into the forest we went!

Diane Duane: "How a TV Show Episode Gets Written" - A PSA

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 19:58:06 +0000

Diane Duane: "How a TV Show Episode Gets Written" - A PSA:

stirpicus:

Hey everyone - So if you’re following me, you know that I’m not really a ‘fandom’ guy; more of a ‘casual viewer’, hence why I don’t post fandom-related things very often.

However! I was having a conversation with Octoswan yesterday, who is an active member of the Tumblr-SPN…

joebagofdoughnuts: More proof that Cats are not nearly as...

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 19:52:35 +0000

joebagofdoughnuts:

More proof that Cats are not nearly as graceful and agile as we give them credit for….

magnetgirl: manueluv: To hell with dignity. I’ll leave when...

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 00:10:21 +0000

magnetgirl:

manueluv:

To hell with dignity. I’ll leave when the job’s done.

~~or AU where Peggy Carter became~~ M

BEST AU EVER. This is now my canon, thank you.

dvdp: finally end of the pre-xmas hectic for me..I wish you...

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 23:47:32 +0000

dvdp:

finally end of the pre-xmas hectic for me..
I wish you very peaceful holidays,
lots of hugs and other good things

wondygirl: gailsimone: joequinones: Just saw this announced...

Sat, 15 Dec 2012 17:29:22 +0000

wondygirl:

gailsimone:

joequinones:

Just saw this announced online — my cover for issue 11 of Captain Marvel!

Love this cover and love, love, love the Keep ‘Em Flying motif.

Fantastic.

You can use that Carol poster as a troll face.

Loving this cover, especially the little girl looking at her from the window.

dduane: thecrazyfilipino: TEA-SHIRTS The cleverness!!

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 10:35:50 +0000

dduane:

thecrazyfilipino:

TEA-SHIRTS

The cleverness!!

themarysue: dcwomenkickingass: dcuniversepresents: Batwoman...

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 20:11:14 +0000

themarysue:

dcwomenkickingass:

dcuniversepresents:

Batwoman by J.H. Williams III

And yet another cover from February solicits! How beautiful is this?

This year, we’re thankful for the Wonder Woman/Batwoman Crossover

sailorswayze: AM I RIGHT LADIES Absolutely spot on.

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 11:05:20 +0000

sailorswayze:

AM I RIGHT LADIES

Absolutely spot on.

dduane: Oh, INSTANTANEOUS reblog. :) The third panel. (

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 12:58:51 +0000

dduane:

Oh, INSTANTANEOUS reblog. :) The third panel.

(

hamletthemadmanwithabox: memosfromfury: [Submitted by:...

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 22:33:00 +0100

hamletthemadmanwithabox:

memosfromfury:

[Submitted by: Asteria

The deliberate use of greater-than-human abilities and/or technological enhancements during the International Covert Organizations Soccer Tournament is in violation of the S.H.I.E.L.D. ethics code. The only exception is if that motherfucking ‘Time Lord’ is playing for motherfucking U.N.I.T.]

Matt Smith’s football skills: now a superpower

wnyc: In the newest Vogue. Greatest correction ever? (h/t...

Wed, 26 Sep 2012 17:10:48 +0100

wnyc:

In the newest Vogue. Greatest correction ever? (h/t buzzfeed)

-Jody, BL Show-

Dan Harmon Poops: HEY, DID I MISS ANYTHING?

Sat, 19 May 2012 19:25:08 +0100

Dan Harmon Poops: HEY, DID I MISS ANYTHING? :

I watched the last 3 Community episodes of the season last night and read this today, and despite having seen the news of the 13 episode season renewal, feels more like the end than a continuation.

danharmon:

Kids:

A few hours ago, I landed in Los Angeles, turned on my phone, and confirmed what you already know. Sony Pictures Television is replacing me as showrunner on Community, with two seasoned fellows that I’m sure are quite nice - actually, I have it on good authority they’re quite nice, because…

my-raggedy-pond: Elisabeth Clara Heath-Sladen 1st February...

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 18:57:42 +0100

my-raggedy-pond:

Elisabeth Clara Heath-Sladen

1st February 1946 – 19th April 2011

Gone but never ever forgotten.

“You’ve got to believe it. If you can make people believe, you’ve won.” - Elisabeth Sladen

R.I.P x

ilikelookingatnakedmen: hamburgerjack: chyldea: colours07: id...

Sat, 03 Mar 2012 20:01:57 +0000

ilikelookingatnakedmen:

hamburgerjack:

chyldea:

colours07:

idratherbeloislane:

“Green Arrow in Black Canary’s classic fishnets look” by John Trumbull. Seeing Ollie in Dinah’s costume is nice, but I really love this piece for how awesome Dinah looks in his costume. She is really rocking that hat.

Relevant to my interest.

Totally rocking those fishnets, Ollie <3

Ollie looks amazing tho.

Can I just point out that I didn’t see anything odd about this pic til I read the comments?

Minimal Mac: Microsoft's Biggest Miss

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 17:08:45 +0000

Minimal Mac: Microsoft's Biggest Miss:

minimalmac:

One of the benefits of a long car trip with my wife is the opportunity to have really great and insightful conversations with the smartest person I know. Yesterday, on the first leg of our trip, we spent some time discussing Microsoft’s many missed opportunities. The failure to take the iPhone…

Sir Howard Vincent's Police Code (1912)

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 19:05:09 +0000

Sir Howard Vincent's Police Code (1912):

The complete text of Sir Howard Vincent’s Police Code. It’s the 15th (1912) edition of a compact guide to law, conduct, etc. for London policeman, by the man who founded Scotland Yard’s CID. Uploaded by Marcus L. Rowland, creator of the Forgotten Futures tabletop RPG.